February is the month of Eros energy. It’s cold outside, and we need fire to keep us going. So let’s talk about love, passion, and ecstasy. As humans, our ultimate desire is to love and be loved. We want that love to be unconditional, and this is possible…but first we have to get over our preconceived notions of what a relationship is.
Love is never what we expect in the beginning of our search because so many of us don’t understand what we are looking for. It starts with a longing, a feeling of emptiness that yearns to be filled. We mistakenly believe another will make us happy and whole.
So often in conversations I hear this sad truth.
Someone finds a person who has certain qualities they admire, but not enough of this or that. There is always a but to spoil their delight. This is the ego acting out in terms of conditional love, practical love. It says, “The other is not quite what I was looking for.”
This is the all too common scenario. We take what we consider to be our best archetypes, the persona we wish to project, out on a date. Yet, after a while, we start to see through our own performance and are turned off. Both parties leave disappointed, blaming the other person for missing the missing part: the magic that was supposed to redeem them.
In his novel Born for Love, Leo Buscaglia writes:
“Most of us remain strangers to ourselves, hiding who we are, and ask other strangers, hiding who they are, to love us.”
We have a habit of projecting our ideal onto a person that can never be realized. Another person’s ego can’t live up to the idealized image that lives inside the mind of another. The mind is not to be trusted when it acts on its own.
There are the rare moments when we find ourselves magnetically drawn to person in a friendship or a romantic sense. We can’t explain it. It’s irrational! The information moving through us, compelling us to stay connected, is heartfelt. Suddenly, the brain – where we most often go for direction – is subordinated by a far more powerful impulse.
The heart never lies.
The soul is activated in moments like this; the moments when we feel vibrant and alive and connected to our source.
Eros is the living spirit in our psyche. We are not meant to live solely satisfying the needs of others and having our needs be met. We are here to learn and grow from our relationships. We are attracted to people because our Eros recognizes a soulmate – a companion on our journey. Satisfy my soul, not my ego. Enter into an intimate, honest relationship where both of participants can grow.
Even when we take charge, using our intelligent heart, there is work to do.
If something is perfect there is no need for movement.
True soulmates are partners, as well as friends and lovers. Head and heart, feeling and intellect, are all involved. Don’t expect everything to go your way. You wouldn’t learn anything if it did. The relationship would remain static, and in the end, boring.
When you find yourself speculating if it’s ego or Eros running your relationship with a would-be partner, reflect on the person, the circumstance and your reactions. Too often our opinions are half-cooked impressions passing through an already muddy mind.
Rarely do we take the time to write or journal, which is a much better way to clarify our thoughts. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this person? You’ll be surprised about how fired up we get discovering unknown parts of ourselves through the act of loving and caring for another, just as they are.
“Will it last?” is not the question to dwell on. Every relationship has a purpose on your spiritual journey. When you bring worry to the table, you are only inviting indigestion into the equation. Laughter, play, and surprise are the spices of life.
Love comes in different flavors, based on the intent and the intensity we devote ourselves to truly knowing someone.
EXPLORE 6 Types of Love: Eros, Storge, Pragma, Agape, Ludis, and Mania.